A Message from the Weeds in the Driveway
01 May 2012 1 Comment
in Uncategorized
CC license avhell
Psalm 43
Prayer for Deliverance.
1 Vindicate me, O God, and plead my case against an ungodly nation;
O deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man!
2 For You are the God of my strength; why have You rejected me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
3 O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me;
Let them bring me to Your holy hill
And to Your dwelling places.
4 Then I will go to the altar of God,
To God my exceeding joy;
And upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God, my God.
5 Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why are you disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall [f]again praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
This morning I was looking at my Facebook and a friend of mine had posted a picture he had taken of a flower in the road (not the one above) and written “Here is a parable in a picture – what does it say?” I stared at the picture and was encouraged because lately it seems that everything seems impossibly set in stone and had prayed as much. But encouraged to think on the goodness of God in the gift of a weed I had this thought…
Hope for I will hope again. I always find it curious when I see a plant in the concrete, living in what seems like an unlivable place. There’s something there to sustain it… there’s still hope. Likewise in my life, it seems that so many circumstances are paved over concrete. So abandon hope all you who enter here. Just give up. Bitter, party of one. But a plant in the concrete makes me think: Everything man tries to do to tame the world and to make it into his own image still cannot completely obliterate what God has wrought. And as a flower blooms where no flower ought, God will cause His will to be done in spite of man’s best laid plans to the contrary.
Dear Christian, your world may be paved over in stone, but if you have God, there is always hope– maybe in this life, but indeed the next.
Like this:
Unconfident Flesh…
13 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
Check out Philippians 3:1-14
I had a thought this morning. Just a small one. But it buoyed my spirits none the less. Though I may have to deal with the consequences of my actions, the greatest consequence has been dealt with in Christ Jesus. My greatest consequence is my rebellion against God for which the penalty is eternal separation from Him. Now that I have His forgiveness and will stand before Him holy and blameless, every morning is truly a new morning. In fact, every moment is a new one.
I am up 28 lbs. Those were hard fought lbs to lose. I am embarrassed to have found them back. And the embarrassement would cause me to want to pull back into a hole and not be seen. To be a glutton whether from laziness, pleasure or overwhelm. But that is what Satan wants. For me to disappear instead of picking myself up, dusting myself off, and resubmitting myself to God from this point in my life. Not from three years ago when I was completely out of shape. Not from four months ago when I was in the best shape ever. But from today. A day that is HIs mercies are new and He sees me as blameless before Him
A couple years ago a friend of mine suggested I join the choir at my church. I demurred as replied I had stuff and as I thought choir was a position of leadership, that I thought I ought not to be in choir for now. But thank you. I said, and please pray for me. He stared at me flatly and replied. ”Carole you should join the choir” I thought maybe I wasn’t clear so I iterated my former statement with slightly different words… or maybe not, I can’t remember, it might have just been MORE words… This time my friend said with matter of fact indiffference. ”Are you working on your stuff? We all have stuff. You should join the choir” I realized I actualy was working on my stuff.
Though God commands us to be perfect as He is perfect, He knows that we cannot be. That is why He tells us to confess our sins and He will cleanse us. But I know for me, I think that I have to be perfect or I cannot serve Him and so when I am not successful with results that everyone cans ee, I figure why bother at all. But God does not see as man sees, God sees my heart. And is my heart submitted to His will, then He will bring the perfecting as I keep submitting.
So yes, Im up. And Yes, everyone can see it as I stand in the choir loft, or as I go into my office, or any other place where people see me regularly. so I live with the shame as those consequences of my failure. But I rejoice in the fact that today is a new day. I stand before God blameless because of what Christ did for me when He died on the cross and rose again taking the consequences of my sin with Him. And I I don’t look back at what Ive done, both good (in having lost what I lost) and bad (in having gained what I gained) and instead look at this as starting a new day from here on. God wants me to just obey today.
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14
This is a new day. We all have stuff. but in Christ, are you working on your stuff?
When God Pulls a Roller Derby Move
08 Mar 2012 1 Comment
in Uncategorized
cc 4nitsirk used with permission
I don’t remember what night it was on… like I do Mutual of Omaha Wild Kindom (Sunday night before the Wonderful World of Disney) But watch it we did. All of these players, geared up like gladiators skating around and around in a giant circle beating each other up and pushing each other out of the circle ring. round and round, round and round. Punch, slug. shove. One of my favorite moves was when they would want to get ahead, they would help each other by skating as fast as they could and their parter would take grab their arm and allow themselves to be sling shot whip ahead of them. Whoosh!
I think that’s one of God’s favorite moves…
“31 Now these are the kings who reigned in the land of Edom before any king reigned over the sons of Israel.”
while reading Genesis 36. I was reading through the genealogy of Essau and thinking, ugh, why is this here? and at one point in the geneology it made a comment about Essau’s progeny being kings long before the tribe of Israel had their king. In fact, it seemed like Essau’s family had a bunch of royals in it–
Why is this such a big deal? Because God had made a promise long before Essau was even born. He told his mother Rebecca
“Two nations are in your womb;
And two peoples will be separated from your body;
And one people shall be stronger than the other;
And the older shall serve the younger.”
Essau’s family grew and prospered. Wow, so many leaders, Im sure they were proud– and yet, God would not be undone. He kept His promise. Essau’s family though mighty was overshadowed my Jacob’s.
God specializes in coming from behind it seems… Then no one can say it was them at all, but God who will have the glory. It was encouraging to me.
I guess I put this here because so often I overeat because its something I can do to control my seemingly hopeless situation. Rather not sin than trust that God may have a slingshot move planned either the next minute or in the next year– or ten. At any rate, God does have a plan. and He does fulfill His promises.
So even though right now the world seems to be passing you by, content yourself to wait for God to achieve His glorious works and you might find yourself in a happy sling shot.
Well, off for my jog.
God With Us
20 Feb 2012 2 Comments
in Testimony
My choir director needed some vignettes for our recent concert. They were done in a time when I was in a place like the beginning of psalm 40… the miry clay part before God steps in to help. And to film and edit the testimonies of these folks was such an encouragement to me. Even now as I watch them, I am touched anew so I thought I would share them with anyone who wants to watch them. My favorite thing one of the participant said was “that the God of the universe would be concerned with my little comings and goings” which I guess is like the psalmist when he said in psalm 8
“4 What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?”
I hope these can be an encouragement to those of you who watch them…
Based on Matthew 1:23 The question was asked of four ordinary people in our church what does it mean to have God with us. Here’s their unscripted answers. If you would like to know more about this wonderful God who came to live among us check out the website for Calvary Bible Church
Each segment starts with a quiet verse before the video
(the psalm reference is actually psalm 23 not psalm 21. It was an inadvertent miss-identification)
Thanks for watching
Baggy Pants Blessing
19 Oct 2011 3 Comments
in hope
Because Im smaller but not where I want to be, my pants are too big so I only have two pairs of pants that I can wear without looking absurd.
The thought of buying new pants when Im not where I think I will end is silly… but I guess so is looking like a circus clown…
At any rate, this morning I looked in my closet and wondered what I should do… I was leaning towards busting out the sewing machine and making a few pairs– but really, I don’t have the time for that.. and again, how is that not as wasteful of a resource to make pants as it is to go out and buy them. Whether its money or time, something is spent on clothes that I may only wear a month and thats just a bad investment. Anyway, this evening, Im at my dear friend Robin’s house and she comments on my weight loss, and I smiled as I told her what size I now am and then she congratulated me. That was it. We meandered on to other conversations. A bit later, she went to take care of something in her room and then a thought occurred to her. She came back with two pairs of pants asking me if I wanted to borrow them since she had shrunk out of them herself!
Reminds me of a verse from Matthew 6
“28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Sometimes miracles are not as dramatic as parting the waters, or bread from heaven. Sometimes they’re as gentle as the provision of hand me down pants when the only person who knew the need was God Himself.
lately that has been a recurring theme in my life as I try and figure out how to make things happen. I twist and fret and scheme and plot– but what does it get me, but twisting, fretting, scheming and plotting— and a lot of anxiety. But just as pants showed up just when I needed them, so God will take care of all the genuine needs in my life. But it’s in His timing. Makes one want to seek the Kingdom of a benevolent ruler who cares enough to provide my genuine needs with the gentle grace of a evening breeze with the scent of jasmine
It also makes me thankful that tomorrow morning I wont have to wear a belt 
Rocks In my Head
29 Aug 2011 1 Comment
in hope
I struggle with doubts… I know… I’m the only one.
But lately God has given me a task to do, and since it’s way beyond my ken, I am compelled to seek Him in prayer for the ability to accomplish what He’s asked me. (and for the results for that matter) Somedays its easy to sit on the edge of my bed and say “okee doke, God, this is your thang, do whatcha wanna do” but some days… uhmmmm notsomuch.
Lately though, I am starting to see more and more answer to prayer in those things that I see are God willed. (you know, salvation, growth, open doors for the Gospel: His Kingdom come kind of stuff) and its super encouraging!
and yet, there’s a little twinge. I feel loath to admit.
the though that says…”what about me?”
The matters of the heart– there’s always this gnawing doubt that God has time to be bothered with what plagues me… or even– He has time, but is quick to dismiss it with a “Nope. Next”
I confess at times it makes it difficult to drag myself before Him even though i know it shouldn’t be the case. I mean really– even if God made it all about Him, I should be happy. Because after all, He IS God, shouldn’t He be allowed? But that doesn’t square with the God I’m learning to see in the bible. The one who loved the world so much He didn’t even spare His only Son.
The silences I hear on that which aches my heart causes my conflict…
In the silence of my heart I am honest with my thoughts that bleed”yeah, God cares about these big things that HE wants done, but as far as the things that gnaw at my soul like so many tiny mice?… notsomuch” today was one of those days.
As I sat on the edge of my sofa, knowing that I had to bring before Him something that it pleased Him to answer (furtherance of His Kingdom plan), and yet, my heart was heavy with the doubts that He cared about me His lame little servant– I confessed my doubts to Him. I told Him, I believed He was moving… but I still was weak and full of questions about His goodness. “Please forgive me, though and give spark to my prayers that you may hear them on that which you ask me to bring before you” (except not quite so eloquently at the time) And so I prayed His strong hand would move and work in ways I could not imagine, for His glory and for the benefit and compassion of those too helpless and lost in sin to realize His moving. And in my spirit I did feel Him moving. And as far as my concerns? I submitted them before Him with a shrug and said that His will was best though my heart indeed was heavy.
Later I received an unexpected message from someone that God had answered the exact prayers I had prayed (not regarding my heart– but regarding what God had impressed me to pray) The person who delivered the news didn’t have to. But in their unwitting so doing, part of what they said was actually an answer to the concern of my heart.
As far as God’s answer on the what He commanded– I had not expected to hear anything. My prayers were my own. Not in result of being asked by any person I could see; but borne from the knowledge that the prayers needed to be implored. I figured it would be one of those things that in eternity I would hear “oh remember that day you prayed for this, well _______ happened. I was content with that. I was content in the settled peace that God had given me a task to accomplish. But God in His love and compassion for this doubting and turbulent soul had mercy to whisper “hello there— I hear you. I hear all of you. See, I have even sent a messenger specific for you.”
Let me get this straight– this is not about me being all “yay, I prayed and God was my Cabana boy” no– my prayers don’t amount to much. it is God who hears and acts is the one who gets big props. and in fact, the fact that it was GOD who heard that brought me low.
….. God had heard my heart.
God. Had. Heard.
That God answers the prayers of His children we take so blithely…Yet when Peter saw the miracle of a massive haul of fish after Jesus told him to cast his net back into the water, the once doubting fisherman exclaimed in amazement “Go away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man!” It is grace and kindness that Almighty God (maker of the universe, powerful, perfect all knowing, etc) opens His hand and says yes… I suppose to think of it in the converse– it is Grace and kindness when He purposefully keeps His hand closed as well when He could do likewise (even in those matters of the heart… or should I say especially in those matters of the heart.) Either way, to not respond with humbled amazement paves the way to a multitude of stumblings.
I wish I could remember this all the time when I am doubting. I know that often times it’s my thoughts that God does not care about my heart that causes me to run to food instead of Him.
LAME.
How many times will He have to teach me this lesson that He hears me before I get it?
sigh…
I guess this entry is a means of being like Jacob who left a stone of remembrance for when God had met him in his lowest point. This is my rock.
Let me encourage you (so you can remind me when you hear me grumbling. The bible says
“12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” John 1
God. does. hear.
If you are His child though adoption given in Jesus Christ, that’s a done deal. What good father doesn’t hear his children?
so find your peace in that. Find your hope in that… and while your at it–
remind me I believed this the next time I’ve forgotten.
Fat, Dead Bones
20 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Discipline
27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. Matthew 23:27-28
Just so you know this journey from up to down has not been a straight one. Its been a series of bumps and bounces along the way. Right now Im in a bounce… upward. 15 up to be more precise.
This is not the first time. It has been this way for the past two years that I have done this weight loss thing. Big down then an up. Bigger down and then an up. arg. Why do I do this? I really hate to have to lose the weight that I just worked so hard to lose… and that’s the problem. i hate the work I have to do to get back the work I already did… I hate the consequences of my sin and not the sin itself.
God forgive me…
I blame finding more pleasure in food than in joyful contentment and satisfaction in what the Lord provides. It’s not so much seeking comfort in from any pain in my life. No. its just plain old greed There are times when some is not enough, ALL is better! As always, the food is not the bad thing. Is it entertainment? Yeah, that’s what its been for me lately. So its more than just focusing on losing the fifteen before I can finish up with the final thirteen I had to lose (what does that make it. ugh twenty eight lbs?) its even more. It’s a bigger issue of my selfish truly unyielded heart. It bargains with me it pleads and wheedles ” if I give you the appearance of repentance– If I let you lose the weight, will you let me have a week or two of Bacchanalian revelry? after all, you can lose it when I’m done, and no one will be the wiser. In fact– people will praise you for your constant work. come on…. one piece of pie wont hurt… or five…
But my body groans. so much work to do that that has been undone and has to be done again. As I write I realize I am no better than a diet pharisee: Jesus nailed the them for being white washed tombs filled with dead men’s bones. I suppose losing weight without constant vigilance to one’s heart is like being the physical equivalent. A skinny white washed tomb filled with a fat dead man’s bones…
Sure I can lose the weight. Over the next three weeks, if I am diligent this weight that took me one week to gain will be gone (so totally unfair… I guess) But that wont ameliorate the bigger problem. Fat hearts make for fat bottoms…
I am so thankful for the grace of God that has brought me eternal life and the power over sin while I walk in this one. He does not condemn me, but has taken that condemnation on Himself when He died on the cross. But do I continue to sin in ease of conscience knowing that grace covers me? To paraphrase the apostle Paul who understood this far better than my clouded little mind? I summon with all the force in my soul as it strives to understand and echo his statement. “May it never be.”
So far to go.
The hope I have is God’s grace. The hope I have as I said a couple days ago is seeing Jesus Christ’s glory. And I fix my eyes on that and claw ahead. Though my physical body might become tired (fifteen extra pounds to carry around is actually quite a difference), still I am refreshed in my soul because my hope is in Him who calls me home through His supreme overflowing and abundant kindness.
Whatever you struggle. whatever your bones. Humbly preserver in obedience to Him. Confess your white washing. But don’t stop in that place once you realize you’ve been focusing on the externals. Keep at the work of obedience– but be like Jacob wrestled with God until his name was changed. Work on your outside but be just as diligent to attend to your heart–even more so! Keep asking God to change the heart beneath those actions, that its every beat is transformed and yielded to HIs sovereign reign.
I will lose this fifteen. And I will lose the final thirteen on top of it. But I wont stop there. Asking God to break up the dead bones of my heart and sweep it clean.
Running Blind
09 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
30 As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the LORD is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
31 For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God,
32 The God who girds me with strength
And makes my way blameless?
33 He makes my feet like hinds’ feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
34 He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your gentleness makes me great.
36 You enlarge my steps under me,
And my feet have not slipped.
Went jogging this morning on my ten mile route. it’s time to get my glasses adjusted because they are so loose they bounce around on my face. Eventually I decided to just put them in my pocket which made the circuit a bit more adventurous because I’m so blind. At one point though, the physical lack of sight provided the opportunity to see something on the spiritual realm with more clarity as I thought of the above quoted section of Psalm 18. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows how clumsy I can be, yet, without my glasses, and running over at times unsteady ground and at other times along perilously fast drivers, I did not stumble, though I had many opportunities to do so. I have seen myself over the this last year of running become more sure footed and physically confident. As I ran I was overwhelmed at the transformation and thanked God out loud for it.
It is a humbling thing– not just the physical metamorphoses– but the fact that God gives me increasing faith to see Him in it.
Little by little. It’s God who trains HIs own though the world look at you and say “Look at all that work you’re doing!”
God is so kind. Sometimes it may be done the hard way… insert ironic laugh here– it seems that it’s always the hard way to grow… But training to build strength of reliance on and trust in Him will happen because He loves His children too much to leave them as they are. Do not be discouraged if you’re not where you think you should be and it seems a struggle just to surge forward for what seems like very little painful progress. just keep being faithful press on in what God has given you today to do and one day and in time you will look back and see how far He’s brought you–even without your glasses.
Obediently Eating…
05 Jul 2011 9 Comments
in Discipline
A couple of posts ago I tried to put into words my thoughts on repentant eating in order to Glorify God. Someone in my “I like Having Worked Out Group” brought up the question again, and I started to answer her on the group page… it became this blog post instead. I thought I would add some more to the subject, hopefully its not to repetitious.
***********************
This is an example of one of the Tapestries from Disney Paris Art directed by my friend
Years ago a friend a mine had the privaledge of executing the artwork in Sleeping Beauty’s castle in Disneyland Paris. He was responsible for all the character art which meant he designed and oversaw the stained glass windows, the faux story books and several large tapestries… being Disney, they spared no expense. The windows were done in England that services of all people, the Royals, the books were done stateside, and the elaborate loomed tapestries were valued at multiple thousands of dollars were done at an establishment in Brussels. It was a glorious display when it was put together. A few years after it opened, I went to see the “attraction” and as I patiently filed around the room packed with eager viewers, I noticed a man reach across the velvet rope towards a tapestry of Philip bound and gagged with Maleficent holding a candle in his face. He clutched the edge of the delicate colorful tapestry and flipped it up, wanting to see if it was indeed a tapestry– or basically a glorified towel. “Ne touche pas!” I hissed in sotto voice “don’t touch it. it’s art” the man startled and immediately released his grasp of the tapestry with a meek “Pardon” and hurried on his way. He had only wanted to see the handiwork, the artful hideous knots that proved the art was the real deal and not a counterfeit. The tapestry was indeed a beauty… so beautiful that sometime after I saw it, someone stole it from the park… It’s the knots of the tapestry, artfully done that brought my friend’s creation to a beautiful representation… and yet, when we encounter tangles and knots in our own lives, we think “ugh, this is ugly–how is this ever going to work out? and since I can’t change it, how can I make myself happy in it?”
You brought up the idea of trying to understand how to crave God instead of food. As for me, it’s not an issue of changing craving allegiances(Although there is a book out there about it and some folks here are reading it and will give you a better answer than I on THAT angle. For me it’s the issue of repentant eating is: obeying Him when I want to indulge myself. Meaning, God has made food to power this flesh machine in which I reside. In His kindness He didn’t make victuals taste like cardboard. It would be a lot easier if food tasted meh, and then we wouldn’t be gluttons… but God in His creativity gave us all shades of flavors and said, “Enjoy my gracious gift, but stop when you’ve fueled the machine. Any eating beyond that then turns food into and idol–because we’ve taken our eyes off the giver and put it squarely on the gift. “Yummy, this nectarine is so amazing–thank You God–how awesome you made this wonderful delicious luscious fruit” becomes, “Yum this nectarine’s AMAZING I want another.” (Can you tell I just got some nectarines?) God in His kindness has given us the ability and power to choose to obey Him in all things instead of forcing us to do it: even in eating
1 Corinthians 10:31
31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
That’s why I don’t poo poo any food. I believe It’s all good as long as the food is being consumed to fuel the machine. (Of course, there are better food choices than others… my machine runs a lot more efficiently on whole grains than fried foods– for example 
and I think that I can not pass out after lunch because I ate something less healthy is pretty glorifying to God because it gives me more usable hours in a day… but I’m not going to beat myself up over a piece of pie…. now when I have three piece of pie, that’s a completely other matter.)
Usually when I want to eat something beyond being hungry its because I am not satisfied with the situation in which I find myself, or I’m just plain greedy. To be discontent with the situation I’m in is to say in essence, God, I don’t think YOU know what YOU’RE doing. Can’t you see I’m suffering here?
Last time I checked– God wasn’t in the business of making mistakes. “Oops, I forgot to find Carole a husband. Darn, she’s so old and no one’s going to want her… oh well. I’m sure she won’t mind being a spinster.” No, if God can be perfect enough to make up for the sins of the world, He’s certainly perfect enough to make a perfect plan that knits together this seemingly chaotic series of disparate events to create a beautiful tapestry– only to be revealed eventually down the road.
God is completely sovereign over all situations in our lives… so if that is the case– then what needs to change is my attitude towards the events He orchestrates. Like a guitar string that has gotten slightly flat I need to tune myself against what’s true about God as revealed in His word regarding my situation. Then I yield my heart to accept what He has orchestrated as part of His perfect plan… ugh it may not feel perfect to me at the time, but it is perfect in light of the fact that He can see everything down the road—
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, 7 so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 8 and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls” 1 Peter 1:3-9
That being said, if I tried to live obediently for “down the road”, I would be frustrated and give up because it’s too difficult thinking that far beyond the horizon. God doesn’t want us to live for down the road–He will take care of that, instead He wants us to trust Him today… right now—moment by moment. I used to say to a group of high school kids I worked with, “I don’t know what could happen tomorrow, I could get hit by a semi” to which one of them eventually replied– “I wish you’d stop saying that, it makes me uncomfortable.” (And one day I was hit by a semi– and you know what, God spared my life ) But the point is, God wants us to trust Him right now in whatever situation that is causing us to want to find comfort AWAY from the work God’s doing by orchestrating the painful, bored, lonely, frustrating situation for us. He wants us not to run to Him in trials, but to rest in Him in our trial.
So in repentant eating instead I strive to focus on right in front of me. Do I do it perfectly?
yeah… notsomuch.
But the more I do it, halting stumbling but always getting up looking to my Father, the farther I make it before I stumble again. I think, “God I’m lonely, or bored or angry, but it’s You who has ordained that I am single or homebound or allowed me to lose my job, or had someone bring an amazing banana cream pie to this pot luck (all hypothetical–except for the pie) and since You are perfect, help me to trust that this moment in time that is making me upset, lonesome, covetous, or bored is Yours…” And then… I don’t eat… It’s not that I’m suddenly “Zow, I feel amazing and now that Pizza is not an option” no it’s, “I still feel pretty lousy and I still want the pizza, but I value the relationship with God more than the option to sin, and I know that if I choose to sin, I break the relationship… So I would rather suffer this bored, lonely, frustrated circumstance, because having communion with Him is so much sweeter.” Eventually God changes my heart to be content in the painful, bored, lonely or frustrating circumstance… but some times it takes a while to get to the point where I can say “It is well with my soul.” (as a side note I am thankful for those times I have friends who are fellow believers who can pray with me and talk me off the ledge when its too much to bear.)
That’s how I have began to approach eating. Like I say, not perfectly… but diligently. That’s how this weight loss is not solely goal oriented… when I lose 161 lbs then I stop kind of thing. No it’s a life change, because my attitude towards food should remain the same even after the weight comes off: gratefully and delightedly received from an amazingly loving creative God, and not a god in itself. I’m starting to see this attitude infuses itself in all areas where I run to self satisfying instead of being patient to sit in the pain of unknowing, knowing that I am held fast in my loving Father’s hand.
Beer and Fireworks
28 Jun 2011 4 Comments
in hope Tags: christianity, Discipline, goal setting, God, God's glory, God's lovingkindness, Jesus Christ, Obedience, patience, repentance, weight, weight loss, well done, working out
“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? Romans 2:4
There is a town in Iowa. Its so small that the water tower that has the town name painted on it is almost as big as the town square. My friend Beth has relatives that live there.
One time during the winter many years ago, i went to visit them with her and noticed among other things besides the vast corn fields in some places and the pervasive smell of hogs in others– several collection spots for aluminum cans labeled “Fireworks” I believe.
You see, the town was so small they couldn’t afford public fireworks: so they worked all year, saving up cans, doing dances, raffles whatever, to raise money to have a special day on July 4th. I was touched by that–and as the years went on I wanted to be in a town so patriotic on the 4th of July that they would work so hard all yeart to have it be traditional.
So I impressed on my friend that I wanted to return there to have a real midwestern 4th and so we reurned. It was a wonderful time with her family. We had a milk can supper. set off fireworks of our own (where one of the uncles handed a pipe to his wife and stuck a rocket in it for her to hold it and then lit it–whereupon which she realized quickly the folly of the plan and luckily threw the pipe to the ground before she ended up being another statistic) and even a scare that the community fireworks might not happen because it rained torrentially! But the rain seemed to stop, and the town came out for the parade–cowchip bingo–more rain and then finally the clouds cleared and everyone hunkered down as the dusk turned into inky night. I brought my video camera to document the whole thing. I was so excited to see their excitedment for all their hard work and effort.
As the first popping blooms of fireworks went off in the sky, I was impressed, it was quite a show. and I hopped to my feet with my camera and ran along the front of the crowd to get reaction shots…. however as I looked at their faces I was surprised to see, not childlike delight and awe, or even joy. But an impassive flaccid boredom. As if they collectively looked up and said, “Okay, this parts done with, when can we get to the beer?”
Sure it wasn’t everyone… but I was intrigued by the underwhelm I saw that night.
Goals can be like that…. Don’t get me wrong– Goals are great! But if all you have is a goal to reach its kind of like a period at the end of a sentence. And then what?
I had a thought today. I’ve been frustrated at the amount of time it’s taking to lose this last bit of weight. My goal is to lose 150 lbs (revised recently to 163) It seems like for-EVER!!! And I have to work harder and harder to make the needle budge. Yes, I know the whole “the closer you get to your goal the harder it gets to lose it” idea… but really. I just want it done.
“But then I thought– “I get didn’t enormous overnight… what’s more– I stayed here in unrepentant rebellion for years, ignoring God’s gentle plea to turn from my sin. If the consequence is waiting… who am I to say I’ve worked long enough and hard enough, its time to be done with this now?”
God’s Patience leads us to repentance– and in that repentance, He can teach us to use another part of the fruit of the spirit besides self control.
He can teach us patience
This is a lifetime change I need to remember. Not just making it to the finish line and then wandering around with a “well, now what–where do I go to get the beer?” look on my face. That kind of attitude is what endangers me into forgetting what I was doing in the first place–living my life by His rules now as I would live in heaven, not merely just losing the weight.
It endangers me to look up and realize that I’ve gained the weight back. <<shudder.>>
Goals are great! They help you have something towards which to aim. But one can find that one’s goals are ultimately unsatisfying. (really think about it– what thing have you striven for, finally achieved but then went… “meh” about once you were there?) I have to remind myself what is my true goal? Is it to be done so I can get a whole new wardrobe? or is it to have a lifelong pursuit of finally hearing the Father say:
‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.’
I need to stop being that little child in the back of the car who says “are we almost there yet?” When it seems soooo long to finish. Because really– there is no real there yet. Just vista point of God’s faithfulness along the way home.
Calvary Bible Church
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